
Holidays... everywhere there is food! Yesterday I had some big highs and some big lows... all related to food. My college son is home for the week, and I want to cook all his favorites.. instead I offer him diet chili... healthy burger with no bun... which he eats with a smile.. only makes me want to cook something even more. Sorry Patrick, no holiday treats here :(
Yesterday we were planning on doing the grocery shopping so I am getting ready to go. I am trying to figure out what to wear and decided to try on some of the clothes that were in the too small tote... two new pairs of jeans fit.. size 18! Same size I was when I met Dave... mind you they are still a little tight.. but I wore them out shopping *happy dance* I am not even half way to what I want to lose total but it is moving right along.
Now to do the price matching and coupon matching for my grocery shopping trip.. lay out all the fliers and start going through them.. Arghhh :( Everything Thanksgiving is in there.. every baking item you would ever need... every frozen treat... candy... cool whip.. pies.. yams.. turkeys.. anything and everything I WANT IT ALL!!! I get none of it *pout* Think size 18... size 16... think muscle not fat.. think.. skinny... think healthy... ok I am back on track and ready for the store.
Or so I thought... talk about a battle... looking the to the left... cookies... to the right.. cider...eggnog... more baking stuff and treats... piled at the end of every aisle is everything Not on my list... all the pretty colors... this stuff is trying to jump into my cart. I am going through the store as quick as I can.. grabbing my rice cakes.. my V8 and my cauliflower and just trying to get out of there asap. I wish it was asap.. instead we get to spend 30 minutes in checkout .. everyone else in the store has all their Thanksgiving stuff in the carts.. and I just stand there watching it all scroll down the belt.
Into the car... headed home.. and the tears start... so much balancing... I love being able to wear my smaller clothes... I love being able to tie my shoes... I love that my feet do not hurt me all the time (wish it was helping my shoulder) there is so much wonderful happening right now as each pound falls off... but I do miss cooking.. and baking.. and feeding people and just enjoying food. I have used food as comfort for a long time... I have "taken care" of people by feeding them... food makes things better... but not really.. I mean it still can... I can still cook and bake and feed people.. but healthy food is not yet fun or comforting to me.. even though Dave said I make a good chili out of some horrible vegetables.
This phase of our diet is hard because the foods we eat are so limited that there are not a lot of options on what and how to make things... starting next week we are back into the 3rd phase and it brings more selection and options and that will help.. I am totally making a cheese cake again :) I also know that I just need to hang on and keep at it and that I will be able to find comfort in cooking, eating and feeding people again... I am sure it will be even more comforting knowing we will all be healthier for it.












