Holidays... everywhere there is food! Yesterday I had some big highs and some big lows... all related to food. My college son is home for the week, and I want to cook all his favorites.. instead I offer him diet chili... healthy burger with no bun... which he eats with a smile.. only makes me want to cook something even more. Sorry Patrick, no holiday treats here :(
Yesterday we were planning on doing the grocery shopping so I am getting ready to go. I am trying to figure out what to wear and decided to try on some of the clothes that were in the too small tote... two new pairs of jeans fit.. size 18! Same size I was when I met Dave... mind you they are still a little tight.. but I wore them out shopping *happy dance* I am not even half way to what I want to lose total but it is moving right along.
Now to do the price matching and coupon matching for my grocery shopping trip.. lay out all the fliers and start going through them.. Arghhh :( Everything Thanksgiving is in there.. every baking item you would ever need... every frozen treat... candy... cool whip.. pies.. yams.. turkeys.. anything and everything I WANT IT ALL!!! I get none of it *pout* Think size 18... size 16... think muscle not fat.. think.. skinny... think healthy... ok I am back on track and ready for the store.
Or so I thought... talk about a battle... looking the to the left... cookies... to the right.. cider...eggnog... more baking stuff and treats... piled at the end of every aisle is everything Not on my list... all the pretty colors... this stuff is trying to jump into my cart. I am going through the store as quick as I can.. grabbing my rice cakes.. my V8 and my cauliflower and just trying to get out of there asap. I wish it was asap.. instead we get to spend 30 minutes in checkout .. everyone else in the store has all their Thanksgiving stuff in the carts.. and I just stand there watching it all scroll down the belt.
Into the car... headed home.. and the tears start... so much balancing... I love being able to wear my smaller clothes... I love being able to tie my shoes... I love that my feet do not hurt me all the time (wish it was helping my shoulder) there is so much wonderful happening right now as each pound falls off... but I do miss cooking.. and baking.. and feeding people and just enjoying food. I have used food as comfort for a long time... I have "taken care" of people by feeding them... food makes things better... but not really.. I mean it still can... I can still cook and bake and feed people.. but healthy food is not yet fun or comforting to me.. even though Dave said I make a good chili out of some horrible vegetables.
This phase of our diet is hard because the foods we eat are so limited that there are not a lot of options on what and how to make things... starting next week we are back into the 3rd phase and it brings more selection and options and that will help.. I am totally making a cheese cake again :) I also know that I just need to hang on and keep at it and that I will be able to find comfort in cooking, eating and feeding people again... I am sure it will be even more comforting knowing we will all be healthier for it.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI really feel for you here - your willpower is amazing. I'm not sure I would be able to be so strong. I am trying to wean myself away from technology, and it takes so much discipline. So kudos to you for making progress! Could you reward yourself one meal a week - comfort food, all the works, everything that you want - knowing that the other meals will all be healthy? Just a thought - I have found that rewarding myself keeps me going. :)
Jodi, Thanks for the support! I am learning a lot about myself in this journey. Once we get to the weight we want to maintain at we will be able to have more comfort foods and it will get better.. for the big picture though I get a reward almost every day when the scale is down.. and even on the days that it is not down the fact that it is not up is a reward... and the inches are coming off and in the last 4 months we have had (gotten to) buy new clothes a couple of times.. I have so much more energy and excitement every day... and I am looking at having all my weight off and being able to go into maintain mode by Spring or Summer.. so less than a year and 80 to 100 lbs... lots of rewards in this... just still has some hard days :) Good luck on weaning yourself from technology.. I attempted that a couple of times and it is not something I am able to do :( At least not yet.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely sounds like you are keeping a positive attitude, which is such a big part of staying motivated! So happy for you - and you're right that the weight loss itself is reward enough. Hopefully the new foods that you are introducing will become your go-to comfort foods. When I became vegetarian many years ago, I constantly craved non-veg foods. Now, I can't even remember what they taste like, and I crave chard and kale instead. It's true! So your tastebuds will change over time.
ReplyDeleteI really feel for you, but you have the right attitude and it is okay to miss things that you found great joy in, as in the motions of preparing great feast and the joy it would bring your guest. Now, maybe just prepare great feast of healthy recipes you come across and bring the unhealthy eaters to a new insight on just how tasty healthy food can be. :-)
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how hard this is at this time of year. In summertime, everything is about garden vegetables. Baking in the winter is such a comfort. It warms up your kitchen and sends a comforting feeling through the house. I wonder if you could simmer something that smelled nice on the stovetop, like orange peels and cinnamon in a little pot of water. Of course you wouldn't want to eat it, and that's the benefit. I think you are an amazing person to keep moving forward, and one of the most beautiful people I know. xoxoxox Jenny
ReplyDeleteJenny.. you always make me smile.. thank you so much! Summer was a LOT easier.. the holidays are a struggle.. but it turned out ok.. I had a really hard day and then I posted on here and there was so much support.. and I did just what you said.. I put a small pan on the stove.. filled it with water and some orange peels and some cinnamon sticks and cloves and simmered it.. the whole house smelled wonderful. I will get to do a little bit of baking through the Christmas holidays.. healthy baking.. so that will help and will be good for us :)
ReplyDeleteI have battled a weight war since I was 13 years old nearly 50 years, so while we each struggle differently, I empathize with you and am on my way back down again. Currently in a size 22, I had been in a 16 tightly and then gained some pounds back and have fought a mighty battle for three years trying to do more than gain and lose the same 15#... wishing you controlled days and smaller sizes... thanks for visiting my photo blog... I've joined you here on your blog on GFC... I hope you'll come by again... I post every day.
ReplyDeletePretty good post! I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.
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